melissa.

i miss a lot of things, my friends, happiness, content, having my brain fizzle out due to thinking too much, most of all, myself. i miss being happy go lucky and being my own kind of bad ass. being a bad ass by literally bending the rules to the edge of its breaking point, i miss having fun and thinking i’ll get in trouble, then having to use my charm to dig myself out of the crap i got into. i miss being the girl no one can say no to, i miss being top dog. lol. its not about the power trip or anything, its just that i miss having things go my way. although most of the time i couldn’t give 2 cents to what happens, its very weird to be very anal yet very devil may care at the same time. i hate being unable to decide what to do, although that is my strong point, that i can be satisfied with the most random and sometimes, fickle things. 

im betting that no one knows that i love getting good morning messages, and hugs, and big bright smiles, and laughing my ass off with the STUPIDEST most insane things, that i have a habit of just staring and during that time the craziest thoughts go through my head, that i don’t mind going through so many things even if the goal is just as simple as seeing the sun set or getting that earring that i saw ages ago. no one knows a lot about me, i tend to sprinkle my identity with everyone i know i guess. how i act with one person may not be the way i act with another person. sometimes its frustrating because i feel like i have a personality disorder, most of the time its fun, being able to be so many different kinds of personalities all the time.

i guess it all narrows down to the fact that im burned out, that i have no idea on what to do right now, blame it on the falling economy and the fact that im having a hard time finding work i guess…i have no clue on why so many companies have turned me down, i went through all my interview answers as much as possible and i was like “what the fuck did i say that made them not like me? do i sound boring? do i sound like im this snotty spoiled brat? do i sound to intimidating for them?” then i was like “screw this, they don’t know what they let go”. it’s always like that. i guess i can’t accept defeat completely, there are things that i give my pride up on and things that are non negotiable.

i hate being lost, i hate having no goals, i need to detox!!! 

lovegivesmehope:

Today, I walked out of Target and I saw an elderly couple.

The woman was in a wheelchair, and the man was pushing her.

He didn’t look like he had a lot of strength left, but he managed to lift her into their car and kiss her on the cheek. Then he put everything in the car and climbed into the driver side of the car.

Love that lasts GMH.

what if…i don’t love you anymore??? 

thank you! =)) di ako maka reply sa post mo kase hindi ko alam pano. hahaha…parang tanga lang. ^___^* pagaling ka! =P mwah! =)